Dear Girl Giving Other Girls Henna Tattoos On A Table In The Campus Dining Hall,
I think it’s really cool that you’re an artist. And that the body is your canvas. And that you’re white and from Greenwich, Connecticut, but totally in touch with this tradition that literally has nothing to do with your culture, but you wear your hair down in a messy way with a hooded sweatshirt to show people that you don’t care what they think because you’re an artist.
However, I may end up eating at that table at some point during this academic year, and you’re getting your Henna paint all over it.
It’s just not sanitary. When I take a bite of my dining hall burrito, I want to know that I’m eating off of a clean, paint-less table. There’s really not another place you can do that? No free space on your dormitory desk under your “The Breakfast Club” poster? Is your assortment of funky rings causing too much clutter on there?
How about the common room? There are a few tables in there. Sure, there’s Pepsi residue and a Chobani peel-off top sitting on the one free one, but I’m sure you could fit a hand on there.
Oh, I get it. You need to do this in the most public place possible. Your squiggly lines of red on that girl’s hand are really blowing minds all up in here. Also, does that Henna ink not come in any other color? It’s always that brooding, moody weird mahogany red color?
I mean, don’t get me wrong. Those girls are waiting very eagerly for your talent to be bestowed upon their extremities. They love it. And this looks great for them, too. Being seen receiving this in public means that they’re in touch with their inner selves and must have listened to a lot of Panic! At The Disco in middle school. You guys are probably going to try your third cigarettes together tonight in front of this very building to further tonight’s masquerade of perceived thoughtfulness.
You’re doing great. You’ve got to have a steady hand for this craft. But please, go study your art history slides on your $2,000 iMac and complain to your roommate about how you’re “going through a lot”, and do your Henna in there.
Because you’re leaving a mess on this table. Clean up after yourself.