A High Schooler Keeps Mentioning His Parents’ Haunted House

Hey man. I hope you’re not doing anything already this weekend for Halloween. It’s just that my parents are doing something really awesome.

Oh, you’re gonna go to Nate’s to get drunk and make out/possibly sleep with hot girls in lingerie and cat ears? Hold on. Are you a fan of getting the shit scared out of you? Cause my dad has a chainsaw, and he and my mom are putting up their famous haunted house this year.

It’s the talk of the neighborhood. Just get ready. They have white sheets hung up with red food dye that will make a little maze around our backyard. A maze of FRIGHTS!!! Seriously, everyone in our cul-de-sac comes to this thing. I let them use my bedroom back window for my mom to pop out from. She’s the Bride of Frankenstein!! And we have a boombox that plays “Halloween Hits Compilation 4” tracks the WHOLE TIME, man.

Dude, I’m just sayin’. My mom and dad are really cool. This thing will blow your mind.

Nah, I’m not going to the party. I have some fake spider web untangling to do.


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