“KidzZone”, A Guide For Young Men, Edition 1: Ways To Pass The Time While Your Older Sister Gets Her Ears Pierced In Claire’s Accessories

We get it, boys. You’re cool. Your mom dragged you to this gross part of the mall and you think you’re stuck with nothing to do. You’re under eleven. The KidzZone Guy Gang has you covered. Us trustworthy older guys understand your tough situation, and we’ve come up with a comprehensive guide to help you out of the mud. Man, wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a mud pit in Claire’s? Well there’s not. And that’s where we come in.

  • Find the Prom section. This is a surefire way to have some fun. You see those picture frames that say “Night Of Our Lives 2010” and “Senior Momentz”? Take some lipstick from anywhere in the store, open it, and smear it frightfully on the stock photos inside those frames. Instant zombie friends! Remember, you’ve been through this rodeo before. You know that you can carry anything around the store with you for the time that you’re in the store. So for the forty minutes or so that your sister is getting her ears pierced, you’re not alone! Instant zombie friends!
  • Don’t be afraid to steal something cool. You’ve been tortured for years coming to this bright and loud place. So you deserve a little man present in return! We recommend finding the butterfly/dragonfly temporary tattoo collection. You can cut them up so that they look like a jumbled piece of machinery! Then you’ll have a cool tattoo of a piece of machinery, and that girl at school may say yes to being bus buddies with you on the Science Center field trip!
  • Allies. Chances are, other boys under eleven are undergoing the same UghhhFest that you’re going through. Seek them out in the store and have a sesh. Talk about boning. You don’t know what that is yet? Flip to pg. 34 for all the information your parents/step-parents aren’t telling you!
  • Make the UghhhFest a WOAHFest! You don’t have to ignore your sister, who’s getting her ears pierced for the first time. Wanna see skin get a tiny, sterile needle poked through it A.K.A MUTILATED?!?! (like a zombie!!!)? Sit near your sister and watch the magic happen.

But the best advice the Guy Gang here at KidzZone can give you, little bros of the world, is to bring along a copy of KidzZone. It’ll entertain you, educate you, and let everyone else in any Claire’s Accessories (or any Icing by Claire’s, depending on your region) know just how too cool you are to be there. And who knows, maybe you’ll be there long enough to read our entire section about boning!

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