A Director Is Adamant About His Bloopers

Holy shit, Sandra. The crew needs lunch. Fall down like the quirky behind-the-scenes girl people watching the DVD extras PAID TO SEE.

Dammit. Okay, everyone. Cut. Qunicy, get out from behind the bush. I’m talking. Sit down and take a break. I need to get this across to everyone.

You guys aren’t getting what I’m looking for. We wrap in three weeks and every scene WITHOUT FAIL has been flawlessly executed. This is bad. This is real bad. I hate to be a negative Nancy, but we’ll have to work harder than we’ve ever worked in the home stretch to bring this through. Team…we need bloopers. And fucking charming ones at that.

Geena, make your giggles real. Put your hand over your face while you laugh if you have to. They’ll love that shit. Maybe stand up out of your chair and turn away from the camera, like you just can’t take it anymore. You shouldn’t be able to say “The fortune didn’t work!” with a straight face anyway. What the fuck is wrong with you people?

And Jamie. YOU’RE A COMEDIAN. Why the fuck are you taking everything so seriously? God, take your dick out during the bumper car montage OR SOMETHING. Isn’t that what you do? Why do you get paid?

The fall here is mainly what I’m concerned about, Sandra. There’s a bench here and you’re walking briskly by it like a business woman on her way to work. Yes, that’s in the script. Yes, it’s what the studio wants. And we’ll get that eventually. We’ll have time. What we don’t have time for is to create a whimsical blooper reel that shows that the cast and crew behind FORTUNE’S CURSE knows how to have fun. You can trip on that bench. You will trip on that bench.

WE NEED A BLOOPER REEL, PEOPLE! BLOOOOOOPERS! NOT PERFECT MOVIE HAPPY TIME. THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN AND THE PEOPLE LOVE BLOOPERS. FROM THE TOP.

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